A Trip To The Ladies's Room...

Ladies public restroom... not for the weak!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.' In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.' To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have known there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail . Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.' By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.' As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?' This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

God And Politics

I stumbled across a blog last week which I read quite a bit of. Through that blog I wandered to others of like mind. The theme of these blogs is Christianity/Conservatism.

With the recent presidential election, there are, as one would imagine, a multitude of opinionated posts out there on all subjects, and how they relate to the election.

As I've said in an earlier post, I believe in "Live and let live." And honestly, that's how I feel.

That isn't to say that I can't have my own opinions though.

I like to think of myself as a person who believes in the central ideology of Christianity. I also like to think of myself as neither far right, nor far left in my political views... I'm pretty middle of the road.

Having said all that, it is beyond me how people who claim to be Christians, can be so narrow sighted, so blind, so damn one-way in their views.

I'm not going to link God to the presidential election here. A million other people have already done that out in this chasm known as the world wide web. I think it's wrong. I think faith is faith, and politics is politics, and never the twain shall meet.

I happen to be disappointed that Obama was elected. I think he was elected for all the wrong reasons. I also think McCain was not the best candidate from the Republican party. Be that as it may, it is what it is.

My idea of being a Christian is to be tolerant, and to be loving of all mankind; regardless of political persuasion. Regardless of all differences, in fact. My idea of being a Christian is to be responsible for the spirituality of the one and only person whose spirituality I can effect - mine. I am not my brother's keeper. It is not up to me to impose my beliefs upon another. I am responsible for my own ideas, my own beliefs, my own behavior - not yours; and vice versa.

God and politics do not belong in the same stratosphere.

I wish I could elaborate more about this, but I can't because I don't want to further what I think is a radical agenda. I don't want to publicize what I consider to be a hateful and intolerant ideology.

What I will say though is, if you don't like a candidate's position on gun control, or abortion, or the national budget, or foreign affairs, or same sex marriage; that's fair game... as long as you don't blame God for the position you take.

Some Of What I Believe

I believe that Jesus taught tolerance. He warned of false prophets, and unpure preaching. He warned that the only way to his father was through him. He taught his diciples to love and honor each other.

I believe that God does not hate gay people. To that point, I don't believe gay people have a choice regarding their sexual orientation; I believe it is genetically predetermined, and as Quasimodo said; "It is what it is." I believe gay people shouled be allowed to legally marry, and enjoy all the legal, emotional, and spiritual benefits as any other human being.

I don't believe people should kill one another in the name of their God. I also don't believe that God and politics belong in the same teachings or discussions.

I don't believe that my God is a vengeful God. I believe he knows what's in my heart, and what matters is the personal relationship between him & me.

I believe in the Golden Rule, and I recognize that I am human, and as such, I sometimes falter. I believe in the physicians creed; "First, Do No Harm."

I believe in forgiveness. I believe in generosity. I believe in live and let live. I believe that God created all creatures, great & small, and I abhor cruelty to any and all of God's creatures.

I believe in the Ten Commandments, and again; I realize that I human, and as such sometimes falter - but when I do, I do my best to return to the path of right, not stay on the path of wrong.

I believe that not one of us is perfect, and I honestly do believe in Jesus' words, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I do not judge. It is not up to me.

I believe that racism is the undoing of mankind. Greed is another.

I believe that I will be welcomed into the kingdom of heaven, not based on my kind deeds, or my generosity, or my donations into the collection plate - but based on the fact that I believe that Jesus is the son of God, and he died on the cross so that my sins will be forgiven.

But I also believe that those who do not agree with me have that right, and I would never try to take that right away from them.

I believe that our nation was founded because a group of people were persecuted for their religous beliefs, and because they had the courage to leave their homeland in favor of unknown, and hostile lands, we all now have the right to worship however we see fit. It is as it should be.

Thank Goodness...

I don't know about any of you, but I'm SO glad this election is just about over. There's nothing left to do now but cry.




Then there were two.

Yes, I voted. And unlike my fellow Massachusettsites, I will tell you how.

For president, I held my nose as I cast my vote because I really would have rather not chosen either...however, since I had only the two to choose from, I chose McCain/Palin. For me, Obama is too extreme; too TOO far left; too fucking smug.

I'm not at all concerned that Palin is unqualified to be president. Should she find herself in that position, I'm quite sure she will do the same thing George W did; surround herself with capable & smart people. Let's face it, nobody can possibly be as inept as George W.

I voted for John Kerry. I can't explain why. I guess the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.

I voted "yes" on Question 1. I pay TOO MUCH state income tax. Something needs to be done about this state's spending. Quite frankly, if the "Vote No On Question 1" people had taken the millions of dollars they spent with their mailers, and funneled it toward state programs, they wouldn't be worried about program cuts, now would they?

I voted "yes" on Question 2, to decriminalize marijuana. About freakin' time!

I voted "yes" to ban dog racing for profit in Mass. Those animals are treated miserably, and the industry stinks to high heaven. No more dog racing!

Now what about you? Did you vote?

Go Vote Tomorrow

Not going to get into who should be elected.

I'm only saying -------

GO VOTE TOMORROW !

Friday Five

Got this over at Stacey's.

I don't typically do memes, but like Stacey, this one was too good to ignore. So, here goes:

1. Among people you know, who has the greenest thumb? My mom - bar none. She can grow roses out of stone, pansies in the winter, and food out of seeds.


2. Among people you know, who has the bluest blood? Thinking about this, I realize that I know absolutely nobody with true blue blood. However, that's not to say that I don't know people who pretend to be blue-blooded. I would have to say the bluest pretender would be MW's oldest spawn. When it rains, she's in danger of drowning.


3. Among people you know, who has the yellowest belly? Ah, good one. MW is the yellowest bellied coward I know. He only hits women, never stands up to a confrontation, and allows his eye-sore wife to pussy whip him even after 4+ years of living apart. He's completely spineless.


4. Among people you know, who has the blackest heart? Another good one. The blackest heart - This is a toss up between MW and his sister. Truly, I think they're equally black hearted. Evil to the core, without a conscience, or morals.


5. Among people you know, who is the most silver-tongued? This is also a toss up. I am very silver tongued. You have to be when you're in sales. You know - you gotta convince the Eskimo he needs a refridgerator. Then again, my oldest nephew is pretty silver tongued too. He has a million dollar vocabulary; too bad he uses it to be hurtful.