I find Horrific Smelling Farts From Strangers offensive

Horrific Smelling Farts From Strangers
I DJ at a bar on the weekends. I don't know why, but apparently bars, and booze, and farts all go together. It never fails; every single weekend, somebody in that place ate rotten armadillo, and has the heinous smelling gas to prove it.

Not having my order taken first at a restaurant.
When I go out to eat with my boyfriend, I expect my order to be taken first. It's just good manners. Ladies first, and all. However, more often than not, they ask him first. To his credit, he always corrects the waitress by saying, "Take the lady's order first."

This money is just taking up space

Money!

As I think about this and look around, I find there are many useless things in my home. The most obvious is my checkbook. It's totally useless because there is no cash in the vault to back it up. A few other things are, the vacuum cleaner (completely useless, unless plugged in and actually USED.) The lava lamp I got for my birthday - it makes retarded looking lava lumps. Also, the majority of my clothes are useless ... they don't fit!

I can explain

Well, the sad truth is; while I certainly detest evasiveness, and indirect answers are quite unacceptable, I'm sure the explanation lies deep within the psyche of the deeply disturbed individual who is my alter ego. Said another way, essentially I'm not responsible - I'm nuts!

Is It Just Me ???

Or does anyone else feel the way I do about Adam Lambert?

In my humble opinion, his voice actually hurts my head. He screeches, and screams, and quite frankly, I find him insufferable.

Listen, I know right now he's the patron saint of gay men everywhere (move over Liza Minelli !) but gay or not, he's simply not the next American Idol! Furthermore, I find it to be just wrong for a professional to be a contestant on that show. I mean, isn't the whole idea to "discover unknown talen?" He's been performing professionally for some time - come on!

Most people I talk to really want to see Danny Gokey win. Yes, he has talent. Yes, he has a sad story. Yes, he looks to be a sincerely nice guy - BUT - I can't see him becoming a huge recording star either.

On the other hand ... this kid Allison Iraheta... wow! Amazing! Only 16 years old, and singing like a seasoned pro. Here's someone who can (and will) be a huge recording star. Granted, I'm not a fan of her genre, but shit - talent is talent.

Gooooooo Allison!

And what about poor Matt, and Lil? My money says they're both going home tonight.

And oh, by the way; Chris' performance of "She Works Hard For The Money" was absolutely genius last night. I was saying "Wow, I hear Carlos Santana," before Paula took the words right out of my mouth!

Not Quite Here, But Not Quite There

So they say that once a woman has a hysterectomy, weight gain is inevitable. My doctor told me to prepare to gain some weight.

I had my surgery in July 07. To date, I have gained 13 pounds.

13 pounds is not a lot you say? Well I say, bullshit. It's a lot!

I'm too fat for my skinny clothes, and too skinny for my fat clothes. What am I supposed to do now?

Have you any clue how expensive business suits are?

I'm totally disgusted. Nothing fits. NOTHING!

Tomorrow I'm joining the gym again. I refuse to accept this. Period!

Bad Times

Times are bad ... Everywhere.

My house is no exception.

Every night, for the last 20 years, I make a point to watch the evening news. Lately though, I just can't bear to. I'm so tired of the "Economy Crisis," of hearing "The jobless rate is at the highest it's been since the great depression." All I can think of are the people from the HBO program Carnivale.



The show took place during the depression, in the dustbowl. People were just dead ass broke, and things were horrid. That's what these times remind me of.

Tonight I saw a woman who used to come to my karaoke show, and I asked her where she's been. She said her husband's hours got cut down to 28 per week, and they just couldn't afford to go out anymore. I can relate.

Things around here are stretched to the limit. MW isn't earning a dime, and I've still got my brother to support.

No matter how much money a person makes; when you're trying to maintain two households, it just doesn't work.

I shouldn't be so down. At least I do have a job - and a very good one. I know this thing with my brother isn't forever (but it feels like it), and MW isn't my problem. Sooner or later, he's going to have to put up or get out. Things will get better, but in the meantime, I'm the only person I know earning six figures who can't make ends meet. It sucks out loud.

The Gay Cabaret !!!

So I host a karaoke show every Friday & Saturday night. It's in a VFW ... where men are men, and so are the women! LOL

My boss, the bar manager, is a Vietnam vet - combat hero - a real man's man. Semper Fi and all that. I really like the guy; he's very good to me. Gives me nights off with pay sometimes. A Good Guy, Really.

Except

He has this thing about gay guys. I dunno; maybe he was a victim of homo molestation as a boy. I'm not sayin' but, I'm just sayin' ya know? Anyway, he just cringes whenever they're around.

Well - as of late, I have attracted a troup of gay singing cabaret performers. They come from the local playhouse. After their gig is over, they all come pirouetting through the door - big happy smiles on their young beautiful faces. They're there to sing their lungs out - and that's just what they do. And boy oh boy, can these boys sing! They belong on Broadway, and I shit you not!

Anyway, for some reason, they just lurv me. I mean, they fawn all over me, and can't wait to come perform for me. And I, of course, feed into their flamboyant girliness. They're just so damn cute.

So, while all this love is running rampant between us all, there's my boss sitting at the bar cringing. LOL ! I love it. He's so visibly uncomfortable, that the more he squirms, the more fuel I add to my boys' flamboyancy. It's such fun!

And what's funny is, these guys are talented, they're friendly & respectful of everyone, they spend money at the bar like nobody's business - and quite frankly, it's refreshing to look at pretty people for a change, instead of the usual old crusty vets who are always at the bar.

I L.O.V.E. my gay cabaret!