The least fun place, at a place that was supposed to be fun ... ugh!
I won an all expense paid trip for 2 from my company; 4 days, 3 nights. It is a prestigious award to win, yada yada yada.
The weather sucked the whole time, and MW got completely shit-faced at the award banquet and totally embarrassed me. I was mortified.
Horrific Smelling Farts From Strangers
I DJ at a bar on the weekends. I don't know why, but apparently bars, and booze, and farts all go together. It never fails; every single weekend, somebody in that place ate rotten armadillo, and has the heinous smelling gas to prove it.
Not having my order taken first at a restaurant.
When I go out to eat with my boyfriend, I expect my order to be taken first. It's just good manners. Ladies first, and all. However, more often than not, they ask him first. To his credit, he always corrects the waitress by saying, "Take the lady's order first."
As I think about this and look around, I find there are many useless things in my home. The most obvious is my checkbook. It's totally useless because there is no cash in the vault to back it up. A few other things are, the vacuum cleaner (completely useless, unless plugged in and actually USED.) The lava lamp I got for my birthday - it makes retarded looking lava lumps. Also, the majority of my clothes are useless ... they don't fit!
Well, the sad truth is; while I certainly detest evasiveness, and indirect answers are quite unacceptable, I'm sure the explanation lies deep within the psyche of the deeply disturbed individual who is my alter ego. Said another way, essentially I'm not responsible - I'm nuts!
Or does anyone else feel the way I do about Adam Lambert?
In my humble opinion, his voice actually hurts my head. He screeches, and screams, and quite frankly, I find him insufferable.
Listen, I know right now he's the patron saint of gay men everywhere (move over Liza Minelli !) but gay or not, he's simply not the next American Idol! Furthermore, I find it to be just wrong for a professional to be a contestant on that show. I mean, isn't the whole idea to "discover unknown talen?" He's been performing professionally for some time - come on!
Most people I talk to really want to see Danny Gokey win. Yes, he has talent. Yes, he has a sad story. Yes, he looks to be a sincerely nice guy - BUT - I can't see him becoming a huge recording star either.
On the other hand ... this kid Allison Iraheta... wow! Amazing! Only 16 years old, and singing like a seasoned pro. Here's someone who can (and will) be a huge recording star. Granted, I'm not a fan of her genre, but shit - talent is talent.
Gooooooo Allison!
And what about poor Matt, and Lil? My money says they're both going home tonight.
And oh, by the way; Chris' performance of "She Works Hard For The Money" was absolutely genius last night. I was saying "Wow, I hear Carlos Santana," before Paula took the words right out of my mouth!
So they say that once a woman has a hysterectomy, weight gain is inevitable. My doctor told me to prepare to gain some weight.
I had my surgery in July 07. To date, I have gained 13 pounds.
13 pounds is not a lot you say? Well I say, bullshit. It's a lot!
I'm too fat for my skinny clothes, and too skinny for my fat clothes. What am I supposed to do now?
Have you any clue how expensive business suits are?
I'm totally disgusted. Nothing fits. NOTHING!
Tomorrow I'm joining the gym again. I refuse to accept this. Period!
Times are bad ... Everywhere.
My house is no exception.
Every night, for the last 20 years, I make a point to watch the evening news. Lately though, I just can't bear to. I'm so tired of the "Economy Crisis," of hearing "The jobless rate is at the highest it's been since the great depression." All I can think of are the people from the HBO program Carnivale.
The show took place during the depression, in the dustbowl. People were just dead ass broke, and things were horrid. That's what these times remind me of.
Tonight I saw a woman who used to come to my karaoke show, and I asked her where she's been. She said her husband's hours got cut down to 28 per week, and they just couldn't afford to go out anymore. I can relate.
Things around here are stretched to the limit. MW isn't earning a dime, and I've still got my brother to support.
No matter how much money a person makes; when you're trying to maintain two households, it just doesn't work.
I shouldn't be so down. At least I do have a job - and a very good one. I know this thing with my brother isn't forever (but it feels like it), and MW isn't my problem. Sooner or later, he's going to have to put up or get out. Things will get better, but in the meantime, I'm the only person I know earning six figures who can't make ends meet. It sucks out loud.
So I host a karaoke show every Friday & Saturday night. It's in a VFW ... where men are men, and so are the women! LOL
My boss, the bar manager, is a Vietnam vet - combat hero - a real man's man. Semper Fi and all that. I really like the guy; he's very good to me. Gives me nights off with pay sometimes. A Good Guy, Really.
Except
He has this thing about gay guys. I dunno; maybe he was a victim of homo molestation as a boy. I'm not sayin' but, I'm just sayin' ya know? Anyway, he just cringes whenever they're around.
Well - as of late, I have attracted a troup of gay singing cabaret performers. They come from the local playhouse. After their gig is over, they all come pirouetting through the door - big happy smiles on their young beautiful faces. They're there to sing their lungs out - and that's just what they do. And boy oh boy, can these boys sing! They belong on Broadway, and I shit you not!
Anyway, for some reason, they just lurv me. I mean, they fawn all over me, and can't wait to come perform for me. And I, of course, feed into their flamboyant girliness. They're just so damn cute.
So, while all this love is running rampant between us all, there's my boss sitting at the bar cringing. LOL ! I love it. He's so visibly uncomfortable, that the more he squirms, the more fuel I add to my boys' flamboyancy. It's such fun!
And what's funny is, these guys are talented, they're friendly & respectful of everyone, they spend money at the bar like nobody's business - and quite frankly, it's refreshing to look at pretty people for a change, instead of the usual old crusty vets who are always at the bar.
I L.O.V.E. my gay cabaret!
This is a picture of one of my recent wins on a slot machine. Do the math - this is a 1 cent machine. The total here is $1,756.55.
Do you have any idea what an adrenaline rush this is? Have you ever experienced a feeling of exhuberation that your heart races, and your face gets flushed? (Not counting the physiologic response to an orgasm, that is...) This is the feeling I get when I have one of these big wins. It's like nothing I can explain here.
Of course, these type of wins are not the norm. In fact, they are few and far between.
Monday night, on A&E I watched Intervention. A program about addict interventions. Ususally the subjects are substance abusers - you know, alcohol, heroin, cocaine... whatever- the usual. This week though, it was about gambling addicts.
They showcased 3 gambling addicts - all 3 women - which that alone, I found quite interesting.
As I watched their stories unfold, I was decidedly uncomfortable. Many of the things they said, and feelings they expressed, are things I could completely relate to. The fact that; for instance, when you're gambling, money has no value - it's just paper you put in a machine. The fact that when you're losing, you feel like you can't quit because you have to win back what you lost. The feeling of "what have done" when you're making that long drive home with no money in your pockets.
On the up side though, I did take comfort in the fact that, thankfully, I have not reached the depths these women have reached. One spent 4 years in jail for embezzling almost a million dollars from the church where she worked to gamble, and lose. Another almost lost her husband and new baby because she was never home with her infant, and instead stayed out all night every night playing poker. And a third woman - who - saddest of all, was from West Virginia, worked full time for $22,000 a year, was raising a 6 year old daughter, and left her child home each & every night with her live in boyfriend, so she could sit and play slot machines until every dollar, including the child support was gone. This woman filed bankruptcy, and after she was able to get credit cards again, she immediately ran them right up to their limits too. It was soberingly sad.
As I sat there contemplating my own gambling issues, I realized a few things. First, I don't think I have an addiction, in the truest sense of the word. That is to say that my bills get paid first, then I gamble. I don't borrow money to gamble, and I don't use credit cards to gamble. But I also don't have any extra money at the end of the month, when I really should have plenty - because I gamble with it.
I also realize that if I don't curb my urge to gamble, I could see myself losing control. It's that enticing to me.
Another realization is, MW is a total enabler. He, I feel, has a more serious addiction to gambling than he realizes. He, for instance, the moment he gets money in his hand, is at the casino, and even when he wins big, cannot leave with money in his pocket because he wants to win even bigger, so as a result loses everything, every time.
Gambling has become our entertainment of choice. We have come to the point where we don't find enjoyment in anything we once used to. It's all about going to the casino. And the funny part is, when we're at the casinos, (which is almost every day,) we are not together. He goes his way, and I go mine.
Therein lies the crux of the matter for me, I think.
I am not happy with MW any longer, and as such, I can't stand being with him, and I enjoy the gambling - it's a win/win for me. I get to do something I enjoy, and I get to not have to be around him. See my dilemna?
I need to rid myself of my bad habits. Some have a pulse, some don't.
Would you be surprised to know that I'm a bit of a "sensitive?" That is to say that for whatever reason, I sense things. Sometimes these things come in dreams, sometimes by Deja Vu. Other times, I just know... like I'll sense a phone call from someone, then it happens. Or sometimes, I feel a person's unknown illness. It's a weird thing.
Well, anyway being that I have this sensitivity, I'm always interested in visiting alleged spiritual hotspots. In general, I've had more disappointments than exciting moments; however, I have had some oddities happen.
Case in point: Mercy Brown - Rhode Island's vampire.
I think there have been enough documentaries on this subject so that anyone who has been interested, would have to believe that poor Mercy Brown was not a vampire, and died, sadly, of consumption - or, in today's vernacular - Tuberculosis.
That isn't to say, however, that there isn't some sort of psychic phenomenon in the exact vicinity of her grave. I believe there is.
Recently, I took an excursion to visit her grave. Although I had never been to it, and I really didn't know exactly where in the graveyard she lay; I somehow walked right to her.
It so happened that on this particular day, there was not a cloud in the sky, and being that I was there at almost exactly 12 noon; the sun was directly overhead. There should not have been any shadows in my photos. As you can see here though, there were. I should mention that, this was the only one of about 15 pictures which came out even remotely viewable.
Also interestingly, there was a family from Connecticut there, also in search of Mercy Brown's grave. They made a special trip to come and visit her. I watched the dad take umpteen photos with his brand new digital camera, all to no avail. He was completely put out by the 30th attempt. All of his tries yeilded only blurry, unusable photos. By the time he gave up, he & his wife were convinced that Mercy did not want photos taken of her final resting place.
I think because in their ignorance, the people of that time desecrated her body and her resting place so badly, that she does not rest in peace. There is a feeling of sadness and unease surrounding her little grave. Moreover, across the graveyard, there is a paupers chapel. It was beside this chapel that Mercy's body, after being unceremoniously uninterred, was desecrated by the removal of her heart - a belief that the people of the time thought would stop the wanderings of a vampire.
Upon nearing this area, I was overcome with cold chills, to the point of the hair on my arms and neck standing straight up. An immensely sad feeling took over my entire being, and tears began to slowly fall from the corners of my eyes. It was all entirely unexplainable. Suffice to say that for my money, I believe that the spirit of this poor young girl lingers in a place which means only sadness to her.
Enough was enough. I had found Mercy Brown, and I didn't at all like the feelings she was evoking. I said a prayer that she may finally rest - I also said a prayer that she leave me. She did. Thankfully.
Sometimes, some things are better left uninvestigated.
This past week, were you more predator or prey?
Definately prey.
Which Beatles song title could best be the title of your week?
Hard Day's Night... in so far as...
It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog
“Roses are red / Violets are blue / ___________ / __________.” How would you complete this poem so that it described this past week?
I'm dead on my feet, all because of you!
How many pieces of unopened mail are sitting wherever you put your unopened mail?
About 12
What was the best meal of the past seven days?
Uh... Veal Parm with angel hair from Federal Hill
I guess this video has become quite the internet rage. And for good reason.
I suppose if I had new news, I'd post more. The truth is, every day is just like the one before.
Obviously, being that I live in Massachusetts, I, (like everyone else here,) am feeling the effects of the Arctic blast passing through. It's C.O.L.D. Thank God I have heat in my house, which is not the case for 2 different people I know. I feel horrible for them. Times are hard; there's no money around - the gas company doesn't care that people are dead-ass broke. They want their money, and if not... tough shit ... freeze to death for all they care!
Things with MW are also status-quo, for better or worse, it is what it is. We tend to get on each other's nerves, but yet nothing changes. What can I say? I have a tremendous breaking point. I guess I haven't gotten to it yet. (Funny how things change all the time, and time changes everything!)
I still work every flippin' weekend, DJ'g for all the karaoke hounds. Once upon a time, that job was not a job - it was fun. NOW...? Not so much. Now, it's a job. A drudgery, an inconvenience, a long drive... it's not fun anymore. Not fun because I have to drag MW with me, and he hates being there, and so he makes those 4 hours each Fri & Sat seem like 10. It's not fun anymore because I still have to give every penny of the money I earn there to my brother, who by the way, is still waiting for a court date to have his disability case heard. TWO YEARS NOW PEOPLE!
There's a meme over at Stacey's that I want to do, but it's soooo long. I'll do it another time.
Christmas sucked, as usual. My dear friend R gave me a beautiful diamond bracelet, other than that ... nada. A big expense was all it was. Depressing and expensive.
I guess the best thing about this time of year is, it's tax time. I always look forward to tax time because I always get a fat tax refund. This year though, I have to use it to pay my property taxes and house insurance. Bummer!
Well - I started this post at 9am, and it's now 4:30pm. Does that give you some indication of my attention span when it come to blogging? It's because I have nothing to say. There's just nothing going on around here.
Meh
